I went through life as the awkwardly formed second of three sisters. My parents often gave me nicknames that voiced their opinion of what stands out to them. From ‘green bean’ to ‘little mountain’, I always felt like they didn’t like me much. My older sister got ‘little smarty’ and my younger sister got ‘precious one’. So, I grew up believing I was ugly, dumb, and not anything special.
I can’t really blame them for how I turned out, but I proved them all wrong.
Growing up, I was taller, heavier, and more emotional than the others. I was bullied, got depressed, and then, I rebelled out of my self-loathing. Eventually, I pretended to be back to my normal self but inside, I was dying and spiraling. When my spiraling started affecting my appearance about over a decade later, I was forced to admit that I had changed. And I was NOT changing back.
My family hoped to wait out my changes.
Much to their surprise, I never changed back into fitting the cookie cutter they asked me to hop back into. I am not as smart as my sisters, but I think outside of the box, where they dare not tread, and draw conclusions from more information than they had. They tend to be more conservative but I’ve found a much more liberal way of life without all the guilt and shame. Although I am a Christian, I’m not a Bible-thumper or a radical evangelist. My walk with God is MY business, not yours. I’d love to see others try to walk a mile in my shoes… but I’m not that mean, so it will never happen.
Finally, while out at an event, I finally had the experience of being hit on by multiple others and made several new friends. I know this doesn’t sound like much, but wait. Growing up, I was always too fat and too ugly. Not at my ideal weight yet, I pulled on feminine clothes and slapped on light makeup. At the event, I was complimented like crazy and I didn’t even notice it. In the end, when my woes became more apparent, my buddies scared them away. Thank God for good friends.
This post was inspired by a new little friend…
While waiting in line for the restroom, a little girl asked me about my top. We chatted and I told her she looked very cute. With a sigh and a downward look I was TOO FAMILIAR with, she told me, “I’m not the pretty one.” Upon hearing this, I wanted to slap her parents. How DARE they tell their daughter she’s not as pretty as her sister!? Do they know how DAMAGING it is for their children?!
With all the gumption not to cry, I told her that I thought she was lovely and to just OWN IT. Looks only get you so far in life. Personality and perseverance will make success possible. And I added, “I’m not the pretty one, too.” We shared a smile only we would understand.
After, we parted ways after but, it got me thinking about how young girls are CURSED from when they are young, which is why they are forced to work even harder to climb to the top. This is a traditional way of life…
it needs to change.