Yes, it is. Unfortunately, humans are selfish creatures and those not worth compromising for or aren’t willing to compromise for you… it just shows us how wrong people can be for each other. There is a continuous blame game that goes on but, in truth, this is simply human nature on it’s usual course. Sometimes, it’s worth suppressing our needs for the other, but in a balanced relationship, it’s important to remember that a balance of seeing to the needs of each other is the important part of maintaining a relationship. So, the cycle is endless until you find the right person. But, just because you do, it doesn’t mean it will always last forever. There are some issues that can’t be remedied through books and counseling. If two people are too different to work out their differences, then the single cycle will continue.
Factors of the Single Cycle
Yes, that’s right, a small list that ought to shed some light on this subject. The usual suspects that make this cycle work or continue, along with some ideas and thoughts to go with it on how to maintain and organize yourselves. Just some food for thought.
If there is no willingness to communicate with each other, then it’s a lost cause. For example, many couples shut down because they don’t understand each other and aren’t willing to try to. My mom’s parents spoke and understood two different languages. But, they were matched and during the first few months of their marriage, they could only write what they wanted to say to each other. They went on to be married for over 60 years and had four beautiful children. Eventually, they learned to speak the same language, but without that communication in the beginning, there’s no way they could have lased so long. This illustrates that what language or dialect you speak isn’t as important as most people think it is.
How we see things and understand the world is shaped when we are young. The way, in which, we are raised is directly affected by that and vice versa. If there’s no common perspective, or as most people call it today; common interests, then there’s no chance of unity. Most people meet using dating apps, but the more successful methods of meeting people who are of potential love interests are those in similar clubs and activity groups. Removing the intention of meeting someone and replacing it with the intentions of exploring common interests and ideas, this is what brings like-minded people together. And THIS is the big reason of how some couples can last until old age! If you meet someone in a group that is of the same mind set as yourself, how much likely will you be able to understand them? … Right?!
This isn’t to be confused with dialects and the different languages of different places. I’m talking about the actual words chosen and used to communicate and express feelings from one person to the other. Most couples who cuss and use slang end up getting physical more often because the words they use provoke it out of the other person. Sitting down and having a conversation, regardless of the mood, can help keep the hostility down and maintain some sort of ease in the communication process of working things out. Think about it this way:
Man/Woman: You’re always like this!
This statement is an argument starter that provokes anger and insult to whoever it is inflicted on. It’s an accusation and judgement whether the speaker means for it to be or not. There is no kindness, only fire and hurt behind it.
Man/Woman: Tell me how you feel.
This is a much better sentence to use. There is a request and an open invitation for the other person to freely express themselves without a hint of judgement and lets the other take the lead. With the sudden shift, problems can be discovered and issues explored without all the negative feelings of hurt, accusation, anger, judgement, and more.
The moment the other person has a hint of accusation or judgement in their tone, the other will clam up and refuse to talk, listen, or participate at all. It’s because people don’t like being hurt. So, keeping the space and conversation open should be important to keep in mind. If both sides are attacking each other, nothing will get done. Just, two wounded people who feel misunderstood and confused about how someone who they care so much for can hurt them like that. It’s a very common situation that had led to break ups, divorces, and (even) crimes. But, by keeping it open and staying in the mindset of being open to the other person, problems and issues can be resolved. An angry and hurt mindset only wants to attack. But, an open mindset is what gets things done.
STOP TRAPPING EACH OTHER! When trying to work out issues and problems when angry, everyone is on the attack and looking to catch the other making a mistake. This is neither conducive nor productive! Give the other person some freedom to think, to be, and to rest. If someone is tense, just give them time to help them unwind. When both parties are relaxed and ready to talk, then more can be done. In any other type of situation, those involved feel trapped and cornered, which means they won’t be willing to “give up” anything or “surrender” themselves to the other. Just step away, take some time off, and if it’s meant to be… it will be.
Many things happen when we’re mad and angry. We don’t breathe right, our physical health goes haywire, and most of what we want to do, we don’t end up doing. The feeling of failure is common but, it’s simply the inability to properly communicate to each other.
As much as you want to say that there’s too much hurt, too much has been said, and there is no hope… those are all excuses. Plain and simple; you want to be selfish. And THAT’S what keeps the single cycle going.